Given the Chance
by VerityFrancesB
Summary: Given the chance, would you change your life? Maybe the question should be, would you change how you live your life?
1. Chapter 1

_For Ellie, she demanded angst, so here it is._

* * *

Given the chance, would you change your life? Maybe the correct question should be, would you change how you live your life? Even if it meant breaking your heart? Even if it meant breaking someone else's?

If she was honest with herself, and she rarely was when it came to him, but if she was, she knew this was going to happen, she knew she was going to fall head over heals in love with him, again. Not that she could help it, but she just knew. The thing that hurt the most was knowing that although this was going to hurt her even more, she had to do it, for the sake of the her sanity.

"I can't do this anymore." The confession fell from her lips before she could stop it.

"What?" The blue eyes that had come to haunt her stared at her, confusion swirling beneath the surface.

"It's killing me." The death grip she had on the glass in her hand tightened. His hand strayed to her knee and she jerked under his touch, pushing him away. "Jethro, please don't make this harder than it already is."

"Jen…?" He questioned. She closed her eyes briefly, wondering how best to answer the unasked questions that were floating around them. However much she wanted to keep doing this, should couldn't, she loved him just too damn much, it was killing her because she knew he didn't feel the same, he may be fond of her, may love having sex with her, but he wasn't in love with her. She didn't know if he was capable of that kind of love anymore. She felt that the easiest way out was for her to blame it on herself. At least then he might get angry with her, and his anger she could handle; his pity and his unhappiness she couldn't.

"Oh come on Jethro, we both knew this wasn't going to last. We have tried before. We had a good run this time though, didn't we?" She smiled sadly at him and he narrowed his eyes; good, the anger was coming.

"Why?" He asked, and she almost shivered at the icy tone in his voice. She took a deep breath, of all of the possible questions that had gone through her head, the simplest, _why_, had never occurred to her.

"So many reasons." She answered, praying that he didn't want any specifics.

"I only need one Jen." He stared at her, willing her to answer. She sighed inwardly; how could she tell him that she didn't want it to be this way? That she wanted him to stay forever? But the change had to happen, even if it hurt both of them, in the long run it would be better, he would get over his anger of her, she would get over him, things would be better.

"Jethro…" She began, unsure of what to say. He stood and paced, his hands clenching at his side, his jaw muscles working over time.

"Why don't you just say Jen?" He demanded, his eyes flashing.

"Why can't you just leave?" She demanded back, deciding that her anger might be the best defense against her heart. He stalked out of her study, wrenching the front door open.

"Is this really what you want?" He asked, his voice suddenly quiet. He reached out for her and she stepped away from him.

"Just go Jethro." She pleaded, not knowing how long her resolve would hold for, pushing aside her need for him to hold her. He seemed to deflate, walking out of the door he turned half way out and brushed her cheek gently, barely touching the skin, but just enough to leave it burning under his touch.

"Fine Jen…but I wont stay gone."

* * *

_The next part should be up soon..._

_V!_

_xox_


	2. Chapter 2

He had expected her to come back, to waltz through the door, down the basement steps, call him a bastard, and share a bourbon with him. But the days turned to weeks and the weeks to months. 6 months without feeling her hand in his, without running his hands through her hair. He couldn't really say what had happened because he still wasn't sure and his threat, promise, of not staying gone lay unfulfilled because his pride had got the better of him.

"Special Agent Gibbs." Her voice reached him from the catwalk and he turned towards her, nearly catching the looking of longing that quickly slid backwards as he turned.

"Director." He answered, the air was icy with tension and Tony and Ziva shared a brief look before bowing their heads. Everyone could feel the tension surrounding them for months; everyone sensed the change when it happened.

He met her in her office, hating being there with the tension that was flying around the room. She looked at him with green eyes.

"Director?" He asked, wondering why he was here, not ready to take the plunge yet and tell her how he felt.

"I need you to run a security detail." She was obviously having a problem with asking him for this because she was fidgeting.

"For whom?" He asked, confused as to why she was asking him.

"Me." After 6 months of avoidance, with only the minimum amount of contact, only staying in rooms with each other for the necessary time frames, something snapped in him. It could have had something to do with her eyes, the way they looked at him, with hope, it could have had something to do with the fact that he now had to run a security detail for her, had to watch her dance around a room while other people pawed at her, it could have been that he told her he wasn't going to stay gone, and this time the promise wasn't going to stay unfulfilled. This time he wasn't going to hide behind his solitude, he was going to change, for her.

* * *

He blinked, trying to establish exactly how and why he had forgotten how good she looked in a dress, because the sight of her should have been burned into his memory. The green silk clung to her skin like he wanted to, taunting him, he breathed deeply as he watched yet another Government Official touch her just a little too inappropriately. The gentle hand on his arm reminded him that he was here to watch her, not to be the protector of her honor.

"She is fine." Ziva's quiet, but firm voice reminded him. He nodded once and continued circling the room, circling her, not knowing if he was protecting or getting ready to pounce.

Her eyes found him, talking to Ziva, the younger woman looked like she was trying to calm him. She narrowed her eyes, trying to read their expression and their body language. She snapped her gaze away as he turned towards her. She placed a hand on the arm of the body she was talking to, unaware of what he was saying, or even who he was but wanting to let Jethro know that she wasn't paying attention to him. Maybe it was just her imagination but his hand brushed against her back as he walked behind her, a fleeting touch that made her long for more. She excused herself and glanced around trying to find him. She caught Ziva's eye, the dark haired woman nodded her head in the direction of the balcony and smiled knowingly.

"You're meant to be watching me, Jethro." Her voice held the promise of a slight smile as she leaned against the balcony wall next to him, he tensed slightly, not sure how to act now that she was here, too close and yet, damn, not close enough.

"There are other agents Jen, why me?" He turned his face towards her, fingers itching to touch her, "Because you wanted to parade your freedom to me?"

"Because I trust you." She replied simply, shrugging her shoulders, ignoring his jibe.

"You trust me but you couldn't stay with me?" He asked feeling his blood pressure rise. She took a step back.

"Jethro…now is not the time." She turned, stopping when she felt his hand around her wrist.

"When is the time Jenny?" He asked, using her wrist to pull her closer to him, she resisted and pulled out of his grasp. She looked at him, willing him to see the promise in her eyes and the aprehension.

"Soon."

* * *

_V!_

_xox_


	3. Chapter 3

Jen avoided DiNozzo and McGee and retreated to the bathroom, splashing her face with cool water trying to stop the tears that threatened to fall. She had deluded herself into thinking that she could quietly joke her way out of this "thing" with Jethro. He was angry with her for giving up, but she needed him here tonight, she needed to know that he had her back. It felt like his famous gut was rubbing off on her.

* * *

Gibbs ran a hand over his face, trying to rub some feeling back into it. He sensed a presence behind him and turned, finding Ziva standing in the door way with her hands on her hips.

"Did she explain why we are here?" She asked, coming to stand next to him, turning so she could still see into the room. He glanced down at her.

"She said she trusts me." Ziva looked up at him.

"Did you not stop to think that she also trusts her own security detail, so why you?" She asked enigmatically, before walking back into the party, blending into the background effortlessly. Gibbs frowned, the thought hadn't occurred to him, but now he couldn't stop the question rolling around his head.

* * *

"He is worried." The voice at her shoulder made her jump slightly.

"He has no right to be." Jen answered rather too harshly. Ziva raised a questioning eyebrow at her, confused at her use of words.

"Has he got a reason?" She asked. Jen shrugged, unable to answer the question.

"I don't know Ziva; I just have a feeling, that's all, now go do what you get paid to do." The brush off was meant to be lighthearted but Ziva saw through it, not taking offense, she smiled gently, squeezing her friends hand before retreating as Jen was swept away by more admirers.

* * *

Gibbs sighed as he watched her across the room. He hated being confined to the sidelines as she took the stage, not because he was jealous of her, but he wanted to be next to her, wanted to be by her side. Ziva's question, _so why you, _still fluttered around his head and it irritated him that he couldn't figure it out. She had put a stop to whatever it was they had months ago, she walked away, again, and now she wanted him here, watching out for her. Ziva's words made him think it was more than he always had her back no matter what was going on in their personal life, but he couldn't figure it out. He was starting to get a bad feeling about this whole evening.

* * *

She could feel his eyes on her, burning a hole in the back of her neck. She was glad that he was here, she felt safe, but did he really have to watch her every move like a hawk? She felt constricted and suffocated. She ducked behind a group of men, hoping to hide for a while, but when the strong, unfamiliar hand gripped her arm painfully, she knew hiding had been the wrong idea.

* * *

_Where the hell was she, _immediate unease set in when he realized she was no longer in his line of vision. He caught sight of Ziva and DiNozzo searching too, catching Ziva's eye, she gave an almost unperceivable shake of the head and continued searching. His eyes were frantically seeking Jen out when the shot echoed through the hall.

* * *

_V!_

_xox_


	4. Chapter 4

The fingers around her arm dug in painfully and she twisted, trying to ease away.

"Stop struggling bitch." He hissed into her ear.

"Do I know you?" She asked calmly, hoping that her calm voice would irritate him enough to give her a chance to take the gun she had seen under his jacket, it usually worked with Jethro, the thought of him made he want to turn round to signal to him but she kept her eyes forward, "because it is usually only people I know who call me a bitch."

"Shut up…You shouldn't be so lose tongued." He hissed again, his breath hot in her ear. "You put my brother away."

"It's possible; we put a lot of criminals away." She stressed the word criminals. He stiffened, "Why don't you tell me what you want and we will see what we can do?"

"Don't use your politics on me, it may work with everyone else, but not me." His gripped loosened as he reached for something in his pocket. She moved with a speed that he hadn't anticipated, her elbow connected with his nose with a sickening crunch, she spun and grabbed his weapon, pointing it at his chest.

"I didn't become the Director just because I am good at politics." She spat, staring at him. The hatred in his eyes burned as he stared back. He bared his teeth and lunged at her, arms outstretched. She didn't hesitate for a second and pulled the trigger.

* * *

His weapon was immediately out of its holster, trained on anyone who wasn't running screaming out of the ball room.

"Ziva?" He snapped into his radio.

"No sight Gibbs." She replied, sounding worred.

"Boss, she's behind you, your 5 o'clock." McGee hurriedly shouted over the chaos. Spinning around he caught sight of her and bit back the relieved laughter that threatened.

"He probably deserved to be put away, you idiot, kidnapping the Director of NCIS is not going to get your brother back." He heard her say to the weasel writhing on the floor clutching his knee, blood spiling out through his fingers.

She felt a hand on her shoulder and spun round, not sure whether to laugh or cry when her eyes met his blue ones. He took the gun from her hand, his fingers lingering on her skin.

"Didn't feel like sharing about this, huh?" He gestured to the ground, handing the weapon to McGee, who was calling an ambulance, and ignoring the idiot on the floor.

"I honestly didn't know…it was your famous gut Jethro, I think it's catching." She smiled weakly at him. He smiled back and guided her towards the door, throwing a look over his shoulder at his team who were trying not to laugh at the writhing bundle on the floor.

"I bet you they have make up sex tonight." Tony said quietly, earning himself a smack from both McGee and Ziva.

* * *

"Are you ok?" He asked when they were outside. She thought for a second.

"Not really but I will be." She replied. Gibbs stared intently at her.

"Let's get you checked out." She resisted as he tried to steer her towards the ambulance.

"I'm fine Jethro, no cuts, no bruises…no concussion." She turned to him. It suddenly dawned on him why the last 6 months had been a nightmare; he was in love with her, everything about her, her laugh, her tough exterior which he knew cracked so easily. He had to stop being a bastard, if he was going to get her back in her life, he needed to bite the bullet, so to speak, and change his damned stubbornness for her.

"You said it was killing you Jen." He said, she looked surprised at his question.

"It was." She replied, a little too quietly.

"You don't look happy Jenny." His fingers unconsciously reached for her hair, brushing it behind her ear,

"You think it has something to do with you? I just nearly got shot at, you know?" She asked, stepping out of his reach.

"I know it had something to do with me, I'm not your best investigator because I'm good at politics, you know?" He tried a grin, hoping to cajole her into his line of thinking, "Let me take you home Jen." He saw her eyes flash with surprise and apprehension, "At least have dinner with me."

"Ok." She replied, looking surprised with herself at her answer.

"To which one?" She raised an eyebrow at him, and smiled gently.

"Dinner...for the moment."

"I can deal with that." He replied, capturing her hand in his.

* * *

_V!_

_xox_


End file.
